Small penises have feelings too.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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