Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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