I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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