ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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