Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
