Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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