so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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