Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
