Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
