'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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