finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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