don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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