Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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