She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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