you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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