She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
