Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
