i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
