Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
