Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Terrible idea I love it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
