He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
