They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
