my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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