Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
