I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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