There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
