I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize