Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
