honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
