I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
