Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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