I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
