my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
