You just made me feel so damn special
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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