Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I stole a fireplace last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
