mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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