Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
