you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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