11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
