No awkward lesbian experiences without me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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