C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
