and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
