You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Drunk is not a location!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
