Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
