Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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