I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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