He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
