so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
