it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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