Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
