i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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