you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
