she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
