Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
