I am puke
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
