guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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