dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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