I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I enjoy the company of your penis
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
