The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
