yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
