You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
