I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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