good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
