I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
