you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
