Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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