I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
