singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
