At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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