Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
