It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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