Don't you send me to vm
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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