Don't you send me to vm
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize