just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
