Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
